Unmasking the Self : Healing the Divide Between the Eating Disorder Self and Healthy Self

I had the privilege of creating and co-hosting a workshop with my talented colleague, Kristyn Lobianco, LCSW. Our vision was to help participants visualize, confront, and better understand their eating disorder self and their healthy self on the journey toward recovery. Through meditation exercises, self-reflective journaling, artistic expression, and emotional processing, participants spent the morning deepening their understanding of these two parts of themselves.

One of the most profound experiences in eating disorder recovery is learning to distinguish between the eating disorder self and the healthy self. This distinction highlights the intense internal struggle that defines an eating disorder—the push and pull between destructive behaviors and the innate desire for healing. Recognizing these two selves is essential in helping individuals explore the thoughts, emotions, and beliefs associated with each. This process not only strengthens the healthy self but also allows insight into the role the eating disorder self has played.

It may seem strange to acknowledge that something so harmful has served a purpose, but for many, an eating disorder acts as a survival mechanism—an alarm, a shield, a way to numb

pain. It disconnects you from difficult emotions, trauma, and overwhelming life challenges. The “mask” of the eating disorder may provide a false sense of protection, but at the same

time, it slowly erodes your well-being.

However, rather than rejecting this part of ourselves with shame, recovery asks us to approach it with self-compassion. We must understand why it developed in the first place—what it was trying to protect us from—so that we can ultimately let it go.

The Two Wolves Within

As part of our workshop, we read the well-known parable The Two Wolves Within:

            An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life. He said,

“A fight is going on inside me, a fight between two wolves.”

“One is dark—anger, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, and ego.”

“The other is light—joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, generosity, compassion, and faith.”

“The same fight is going on inside you, grandson… and inside every person.”

            The grandson thought for a moment and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

I have read this story at the end of conferences and workshops, as it powerfully reflects the inner conflict of an eating disorder. But what I didn’t realize until recently was that the story actually continues:

            The old Cherokee added, “If you feed them right, they both win.”

            “If I only feed the Light Wolf, the Dark Wolf will wait for a moment of weakness to fight for control. But if I acknowledge him, he is at peace, and the Light Wolf is also at peace. Each has qualities the other needs—tenacity, courage, and strategy belong to the Dark Wolf, while kindness, strength, and wisdom belong to the Light Wolf.”

            “Starving one or the other leads to imbalance. But if I guide them both, they will serve me well.”

What This Means for Eating Disorder Recovery

This version of the parable shifts the message—not toward embracing eating disorder behaviors, but toward acknowledging the emotions that fuel them. Suppressing difficult feelings (the dark wolf) doesn’t make them disappear; instead, they resurface through the eating disorder, which steps in as a way to avoid pain. True healing comes from learning to face those emotions with understanding rather than avoidance.

The mask-making portion of our workshop allowed participants to express this inner struggle in a tangible way—giving shape to thoughts and emotions that are often hard to put into words. Through this process, they could see, perhaps more clearly than before, that their eating disorder is not who they are. It is a voice, a coping strategy, a mask. And like any mask, it can be removed to reveal the person underneath—the person who is capable, worthy, and whole.